Vagina in the Rough

Abstract: Previously, on the Vaggie Tales: you’ve only seen I.O. the victim, I.O. the poor wretch, I.O. the poor dear with the amphibian in her vagina, I.O. the girl who is duped and abandoned after a perfunctory meaningless fuck.

Unfortunately, this list above exemplifies the platitudinous existence of many of the feminine variety –a life lived in the state of perpetual disappointment. However, this will not be the case of Miss I.O. and her vagina. Not for long anyway.

What you may not know right now is that I.O. has what is known as a ‘vagina in the rough:’ vaginal power that is dormant or untapped. With the help and tutelage of her attendant chorale; Mr. Frog the resident vaginal pedagogue, Peter the dumb feral satyr, Turner the magic-handed lecherous virtuoso and Gaea the three headed, silver-tongued concupiscent earth-mother-whore, I.O. will discover her vagina’s true power. And after facing many obstacles she will escape this cliché of vaginal victimhood and rise to dominate the men who have tormented her.

…..

I.O. Your obstacles will be many. They will come in many forms. Some will be gifted with the power of persuasion, others with sheer lustful determination. Some will be obtuse and fierce, while others clever and insidious, able to circumvent and beguile your defenses.

Therefore I say beware, dear child. You harbor great power within you, but it is still weak and you are often drunk and too damn horny. You must listen carefully to your inner vag. Heed Mr. Frog’s advice –even though he’s a drunken lascivious rogue himself. If you do these things, your vag shall become blessed and more powerful than all of the penises of the world. They will no longer be able penetrate you, for you shall engulf them. Yea, one yawn from your glorious vag, and every threat you encounter shall become a moth to a flame. Do these things, and do not forsake Mr. Frog. He is your guide.

And every so often, give Peter a tickle on his furry ass. He has so few pleasures in life.

Long-live your glorious vagina.

The Oracle near Delphi has spoken.

Oracle out.

Why are you still here?....

Grow a Vag….

Seriously.